Tainted Memories
by Carrowyn
Summary: Perhaps he should have never let him go... the biggest mistake of his wretched life. 1x2, 3x4, 2x? possibly mentioned. Never done a long running story before so this is new! Heero lost Duo years ago, will he ever find him and make amends?
1. Intro

So I suppose this is a new thing for me, never written a long story before but I've been reading tons and so I'd like to give it a try. I've got the first few chapters written but I only have a vague idea where this is going so any input would be nice. We'll see where this goes… I've been on a writing jag since I've been sick this week. Bleh. Toodles!

Disclaimer: Not mine blah blah you've heard it before.  
Pairings: 1x2,3x4, maybe mention of 2x? (non-gundam character) due to the fact he has been missing.

**Darkness**

Gunshots echoed off the metal walls of the hangar as his partner yelled at him, inaudible of course. His shoulder was bleeding heavily, causing his aim to be slightly off, but he managed to shoot two more to the ground before he ducked under some boxes. The mission seemed to be a failure at this point as he heard Sanders make a blood curdling scream and then silence.

'_Shit'_, Heero thought, '_the place is surrounded by now with the rest of the squad, right? Or is their timing off? I don't know! I can't let these guys get away if backup isn't here yet!'_

He made a decision and rose up from his hiding position to take aim at one who was running to a fire escape but as he shakily lifted his arm to take aim he heard a loud thud behind him, more specifically, in the back of his head. Darkness began to creep around his eyes and he heard new shots and familiar uniformed men running in with guns drawn. His last thoughts were…

…'_Duo'…_

And all went black.


	2. Chapter 1: A New Found Grief

Hmm... Well, no reviews yet, but I got a few hits so I'll post the next chapter, longer than the intro and see what you guys think.

Disclaimer and warnings: See intro

'_blahblahblah_' thoughts

Chapter 1: A New Found Grief

Beep…beep…beep…beep…

He inhaled.

'_New air… sterile'_

Beep…beep…beep…beep…

'_Heart monitor? Hospital? Where?'_ He began to stir awake.

"Oh good to see you among the living Mr. Yuy!"

'_Oh god, an all too cheerful nurse to add to this headache.'_ He sat up, clutching his head and the nurse rushed over to him, placing a hand to his bare but bandaged chest to ease him back to the bed.

"No no Mr. Yuy, you mustn't over do it." The nurse gave him a saccharin sweet smile but it seemed genuine enough. The older brunette who was quite short began to scurry about the room, taking notes and changing setting on the machines.

'_What happened? Gunshots… Sanders… the hangar… oh.'_

"He's awake now, you man come into see him." The nurse was standing halfway out the door bracing herself on the door frame obviously speaking with someone in the hall. She then turned back to him. "Now have a good day Mr. Yuy, I will bring lunch around shortly." She set the medical records down and then with that left the room. One of the last people Heero wanted to see then walked into the cramped room, her presence making it seem all the more small. With her red knee length pencil skirt and black pumps to match the customary Preventer jacket she looked more like a secretary than his boss. But the look in her eyes and the way her walk was short, quick, and clipped, it was obvious she meant business. He let out a long drawn out sigh at he glanced to the window, noticing it was a sunny, cloud free day.

"I am taking you off active duty and placing you on security systems, Yuy." _'That wasn't what I had expected her to say' _He thought. "You have been on active duty for nearly five years now after the war and you've had too many close calls for my comfort." _'Heh, three isn't too bad.'_ He thought bitterly to himself how many times he had been shot, but what she was referring to was nearly losing his life. "I will not lose my top officer this early in the game." He was only catching some of her words due to his own musings. _'Oh, so my life is a game now? I know she means the protection of the colonies and earth but I feel like a pawn in a cruel game of chess.'_ His thoughts suddenly ended as a loud clap resonated in the room. She had mistaken his blank stare as disobedience.

"Yes, Une, I understand. Mission accepted." He looked out the window once again and seemed to lose himself. She sighed and walked out, her heels making a click, click, click noise on the tile.

--

"All set Mr. Yuy! A taxi is waiting outside for you to take you home and here are your things." He was starting to think that the hospital had a policy that all nurses must be chipper. The girl, at least he supposed she was a girl, she looked younger than him, was bent over at the lockers, procuring his items that were brought in with him. She popped back up with an armful of his jacket and other items. "Here ya go! These were all brought in with you Mr. Yuy." She slid the jacket, wallet, and gun across, seemingly wary of the metal item but then playfully wagged the badge in the air. He was none too happy about this. "My my, quite a dangerous job for such a handsome man." She gave him a wink and he visibly shuddered at the thought of what she was thinking of him right now. He muttered "thank you" under his breath and snatched up his badge, and he made the mistake of the day at that very moment. Until then he had yet to look at her face, but he had glanced up at the last moment and his heart nearly stopped. She had a heart shaped face, brunette hair, and deep violet eyes. His breath hitched in his throat and he bolted for the door, hoping to rid himself of the all too happy nurses and the somber hospital that brought back too many memories.


	3. Chapter 2: The Box

**Yay to my reviewers! I love you so.**

**DeathsLittlePrincess**: Oh thanks for the review and the encouragement!  
**memorietrail**: Yay, another person who likes it, thanks for reading and reviewing.  
**aya-chan**: Actually Duo isn't a girl, just someone who looks like Duo (well.. there's more to it but it would ruin a surprise) Sorry if that disappoints.  
**pikeebo**: Actually kinda the other way around, maybe? Haha, I have a loose plot line for the story and my muse has about three more so we'll find out soon which direction this is taking.  
**nalamacleod**: Har har! You shall see!

Thank you all for the reviews and to any others who have been reading. Here's the next chapter, the end written when I was very upset so… blah. And once again:

Disclaimer and warnings: See intro

'_blahblahblah_' thoughts

Chapter 2: The Box

The apartment was as he had left it, pristine. With few lights on and an absence of any life forms other than the cactus he smirked to himself, oh the irony. He hung his jacket on its hook at the door and slipped his shoes off, a customary habit he enjoyed. Stepping up into the room and flicking on the lights he hobbled to the couch. The stiff, nearly sterile white leather couch with square angels and a harsh disposition was clearly not for lounging on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Nor was any of the rest of his furniture in the light grey living room. It was all either black or what and each object had it's purpose. No frivolous decorative pieces adorned any of the surfaces and the few pieces in there had their purpose, but seemed to be rarely touched, as if he was never home in the first place. He spent all of his time at work or sleeping in his bedroom. The kitchen contained little more than protein bars and frozen orange juice. Glancing about the smell of stale air hit his nostrils and he had wished he'd left the fans on. He guided himself through the small apartment using the couch as a crutch to hobble to the kitchen. He hadn't eaten much in the last few days so a chocolate flavored protein bar and cool tap water were the products of his dinner. He sighed, missing the cooked meals they all enjoyed while together; usually Quatre or Duo would cook something wonderful and filling. He grimaced at his own thoughts and padded to his bedroom slowly, his ribs still bruised.

His clock let off a eerie green glow over the perfectly made bed. The only other furniture in the room was a small shelving unit that held his guns, ammo, other weapons, a few personal items and one thing that he would never speak to anyone about. He was not a person to collect or hoard things but during the wars he had kept a few things. Every time he moved he contemplated just throwing away the small box, but refused, knowing he would regret it soon there after. He glanced to the shelf with the simple drawers, resigning himself to remove its contents just this one last time. Perhaps he'd have the closure he needed.

Heero fell to his knees, a sharp inhalation of air accompanying it due to his injuries but he ignored it, caressing the smooth metal knobs for a moment. His ID and SuperEgo having a fight inside his head. One gave in and he slid the drawer open soundlessly. There it laid; the small tin box that held the contents of his shattered heart. He peeled the cover off eagerly as if it was a lifeline and the contents stared back up at him.

A picture of the five of them at the end of the first war; standing at the foot of Duo's Gundam. Duo had his foot in the taught rope that carried them up to their cockpit and Heero was next to him. Duo's arm had been around his shoulder in a friendly gesture but it was not appreciated, at least, that is what it looked like in the picture. Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei were in the picture as well, then, all seemingly somewhat happy.

The picture had seen better days, the edges torn, not carelessly, but almost as if the picture had been well loved over the years. He stroked over the worn crinkles in the once glossy photo and then placed it aside with the greatest of care. The next item had the least monetary value but was invaluable to him. It was a simple black hair tie. No metal in it, Duo had always said the metal snagged his hair. Heero had stolen it while Duo was in the shower one day, causing quite a scene when the braided man could not find it once clean. The smell of his vanilla shampoo long gone from it, but it still had the memories attached to it. He laid the tie over the picture and then reached for the last piece in the tin box. It made a slight clank noise as his hand hesitated to pick it up. He was crazy for keeping it, told by his conscious in his mind he was stupid for keeping it. Perhaps he was. It was a piece of Deathscythe. Duo had been so torn up over having to destroy his machine; he had Heero do it for him. Little did he know that Heero had kept a piece. Heero grimaced at the memory of destroying the Gundams and he quickly packed everything back into the neat tin box, nearly slamming the drawer shut once the box of tainted memories was stashed away.

Heero was once again left to his own devices, glancing around the room they were to share. They had promised each other they would move in together that summer once Hilde could find reputable assistance for the junk yard. He had agreed, knowing Duo and Hilde were just good friends but the junk yard was not something to be run alone. So over that year after the war they stayed connected with phone and email, seeing as Heero had been moved to Earth and Duo was on L2. They had good times staying up late weekend nights when neither had work the next day. Sometimes watching movies together over the phone, or just talking. It was a wonder to get to know the man known as Duo in a more comfortable situation than a war; where any second you may no longer exist. Eventually one of them had said it, "I love you", Duo was the first to. It was a spur of the moment kind of thing and he had started to apologize for it, but Heero had stopped him, repeating those three little words back. After that, they each rushed home from work to look for the other on the phone or an email or anything. They had grown from merely soldiers, to friends, to a love no one can describe. They were inseparable.

Or so Heero had thought.


	4. Chapter 3: The Call

Thank you to you few for the support. I know it's another short chapter but I can't seem to stay focused for anything longer. Also, the rating is going to change here pretty soon once we find out what Duo has been up to! evil giggle

Disclaimer and warnings: See intro

'_blahblahblah_' thoughts

_Two years earlier…_

Heero remembered the call all too well. Duo's trembling voice. "I'm sorry" whispered over and over again in his ear. He kept asking Duo what was wrong, why he was sorry, and all Duo could say was that he was sorry for doing what he did. It was gibberish, made no sense. Then the line was dead, Heero standing stricken in his apartment on Earth. He vowed to go and find Duo, to make him speak with him, ask him what was wrong.

He quickly bought a plane ticket that night, calling Une for time off he hadn't taken in a year and packing a bag. The next shuttle to leave for L2 was in three hours, he could make it. The only thoughts going through his mind were if Duo was hurt, or in trouble. If Duo had been having problems, wouldn't he have told Heero about them? Then it dawned on him, the only other person closer to Duo was Quatre. He glanced at the clock displaying several different times on it. Heero knew it would be late on L4 but if he called the personal line he would get right through. Punching in the numbers Heero rushed out the door to his dark car, backpack in hand with only essentials.

"Hello…? Duo?" A raspy Quatre sounded on the phone, damn! He had woken him up.

"No, it's Heero. Is Duo okay?" Heero tried not to sound desperate but he did not want to let the soldier take over him or he might destroy anything in his path.

"Um… hello Heero, I'm not sure. I haven't spoken to Duo in a week; I was getting worried about him. He usually would have called me by now." Quatre yawned and by the noise in the background you could tell he was getting up and dressed.

"I'm getting on a plane in two and a half hours to L2, Quatre. I need you to tell me where Duo lives. He never gave me his address." Heero was more demanding now. A few more words passed between them and Heero pulled out a small notebook, scribbling down something while driving and on the phone all at once. He kindly thanked Quatre, at least, as kindly as possible for him at the moment and tossed the phone into his bag. Only one more hour to the airport. Heero was trembling as he pushed the car faster, he was becoming flustered, he couldn't let that happen. Taking a deep breath he continued on down the dark, nearly empty highway with only one thought on his mind.


End file.
